Farmer and the old lady

[dave2]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says, 'Lets take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. 'How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the he!l could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
 

[John B.]

THis will make any one chuckle.
 

[usetob]

good one!
 

[tbish]

i goy one true story ups driver goes to amish house knocks on door no answer walks around to back of house doesnt see anybody goes to back door just about to knock looks in window seeing man and wonan on floor doin unspeakable eases off porch back to van drives to the neibors ask to leave a package there cause he couldnt find mr or mrs amish down the road neibor says oh there is no mrs she passed away 10 yrs ago but my wife took him some eggs about 30 min ago
 

[pete black]

guy comes home from church with two black eyes and
wife ask how he got them at church. well, when we
stood up to sing, the dress of this heavy set woman
sitting in front of me got caught between the cheeks
of her rear end, so i simply reached up and pulled
it out for her and she turned around and hit me.
his wife replied, well that explains one black eye,
how did you get the other one. well, i figured she
didn"t want it pulled out so i reached up and put
it back in for her.