Widowed

[DeltaRed]

I was talking to my wife's sister yesterday.We talk a lot. Almost everyday. She compared me to being widowed. Wow. That is exactly how I've been feeling. Susan is gone. Yes,there is a woman who looks like her,and kind of sounds like
her.But MY Susan is gone.So, I guess what I've been feeling is mourning the loss of my wife,our life together.I guess I'll get used to it. Thanks for listening. Steve.

 

[greenmech]

Good wishes to you! Ron MN

 

[John T]

Sorry for your loss, I couldn't imagine the tragedy of loosing my first wife of over 53 years

Best wishes God Bless........ You mourn because you experienced the joy of loving and being loved.

John T

 

[Steve in VA]

I kinda know how you're feeling having gone through similar with family. Hang tough and my email is open if you want to use it.

 

[Pete in Holland MI]

Things won't get back to normal. That will never be, but.......you will get used to a new normal over time. It is true. Time does heal, but it sucks in the mean time. Keep leaning on friends. You true ones will be there for ya.

 

[Kow Farmer]

Hi Steve. I cant imagine how you are feeling right now. I am sorry for what you are going through. I pray for you both every night. Please lean on the Lord above for daily strength and comfort. Take care.
Kow Farmer Kurt

 

[J.Wondergem]

If your like me. Life goes on and will never be the same. You just try to enjoy what's left. Me, I got a really good dog and talk to her a lot.

 

[Fordy20]

I know exactly what you're going through. My wife went into memory care in 2016 and passed in 2020. Couldn't even see her the last few months due to nnalert. Stay busy, find some coffee or breakfast buddies and I have a dog that makes me laugh. Also found two ladies that do house cleaning which sure helps as I had no clue. Still don't like making meals. Don't like going out to a restaurant in the evening like we used to do - don't enjoy going alone. Friends and make new ones really helps.

 

[old popper]

Forge on Steve. So sorry for your predicament.

 

[Janicholson]

In the recent past she was standing sitting and moving in your house. Her presence, not her condition, was a continuation of your lives. As her condition became complex and difficult for her (as well as you) the choice was made to seek a better solution for her. That was clearly a best solution as you have indicated she is of good cheer. The choice also provided you with stress reduction and freedom that was welcome. But tied with that is the feeling of loss of companionship and the bond with her. Included is the feeling you might have of responsibility for the fact of her being where she is.
My opinion is that she is on vacation. She is not stressed, she is not being ignored, she is confronted with respect and dignity both from the staff and you on your visits. This vacation is a favorable solution in that she is doing well within the circumstances. So are you!! the hardship of missing her as she was 5 years ago is real, but will dissolve as time goes by. The visitations will still be there, but the feeling of loss will diminish. It is true no human can avoid the loss of people close to them. your loss is just slowly happening over time. That makes the complexity stick out and provide continuing grief. You made a decision that is and will be the primarily best for her and your secondarily good for yourself. Take the time to ponder the wellness she feels as a blessing. She would not have you be in discomfort. Jim

 

[RBnWA]

Well put Mr Nicholson. I have been thinking a long those lines but couldn't put it to words. Hang in there Steve someday things will be better. Richard

 

[sms]

I can understand your feeling of loss. Both my grandmothers had dementia later in life and didn't recognize me. My paternal grandmother thought I was my dad and I let her think so hoping it would give her comfort as he had passed years before. I can only wish you peace and comfort and hope for the best for you both.

 

[BillinCentralMO]

I think it is much harder on the healthier spouse. I am so sorry for you. I am glad you get to visit. My wife and her family were cut off from their contact with her daddy pre- nnalert restrictions of that which we cant talk about on this forum. Im sure every visit is difficult. I hope you feel better at some point.

 

[onefarmer]

I have no idea what it would be like to have her but yet not. But I lost mine 2018 and while it gets easier it never goes back to the way it was. Something is always missing.

 

[steve_in_mo]

Sorry. My favorite sister-in-law went away like that. Her husband was similarly widowed
while she still lived but she gave up when they closed the facility to all visitors because of nnalert.

 

[MarkB_MI]

It sounds like you're going through the stages of grief, which I guess is normal in your situation. I wish you well.

 

[ASEguy]

Well said.

 

[Paul from MI]

My best wishes and prayers for you both. Dad lived for 30 years after Mom passed, missed her every day but had a full productive life. It can happen for you.

 

[jdr1943]

Deltared you are not alone the only smile i can get out of my wife of 61 years is when i go to see her at assited living is when i walk up and give her a big kiss dementia is hard on everyone.