my breaking point.....ugh

[88-1175]

my dad hs driven me to my breaking point,im ready to crack.we live close to each other,a small field seperates us,he has become the nosiest sob ive ever seen.ive changed my locks,he will break a door window to get into my house to see if im here,he turns off my lights so they wont use electric,hes become the biggest p.i.t.a ive ever seen.he will fight with you that a round shape is really square,he constantly critises people in public about their weight,clothes,shoes,cars,anything and everything.talks smack on everyone,and is always the first person to start a convo about bad news.others in the community have mentioned to me that they have no idea how I tolerate it,my brother doesn't live near and doesn't see this.this is every single day,365 days a year.mentioning he might want to see a dr is completely out of the question,hes absolutely perfect at 83,and were all a-holes.im so close to putting up a fence and getting a guard dog just to keep him away.....vents over...ugh,ugh,ugh

 

[FBH44]

Might be the time to call the Sheriff, before this gets totally out of control. Get a Deputy to visit, talk to him, see what's what.

 

[JMOR]

(quoted from post at 11:58:56 10/13/18) my dad hs driven me to my breaking point,im ready to crack.we live close to each other,a small field seperates us,he has become the nosiest sob ive ever seen.ive changed my locks,he will break a door window to get into my house to see if im here,he turns off my lights so they wont use electric,hes become the biggest p.i.t.a ive ever seen.he will fight with you that a round shape is really square,he constantly critises people in public about their weight,clothes,shoes,cars,anything and everything.talks smack on everyone,and is always the first person to start a convo about bad news.others in the community have mentioned to me that they have no idea how I tolerate it,my brother doesn't live near and doesn't see this.this is every single day,365 days a year.mentioning he might want to see a dr is completely out of the question,hes absolutely perfect at 83,and were all a-holes.im so close to putting up a fence and getting a guard dog just to keep him away.....vents over...ugh,ugh,ugh

ounds like a letter to "Dear Abby" is in order.

 

[Chris(WA)]

Sounds like he has mental issues. Might be time to call in the State Health and Welfare people before someone gets hurt!As much as that is harsh, the outcome of his behavior is going to be harsher.

 

[wjytexas]

I agree. In addition to emotional problems there are numerous physical issues including brain tumors and Alzheimers that can lead to behavior like this. And he sounds like he could be a danger to himself or others.

 

[Billy Shafer]

What he is doing is illegal and dangerous. Sounds like he needs to go in for a complete check up. Guy behind me was doing about the same thing. Went from being a really nice guy to a complete jerk. He went off on a guy and got taken in.They found a tumor on his brain. Removed it and now he is back to being the old nice guy that he was.

 

[rrlund]

Sounds like an old neighbor we had. He lived a long time in the nursing home after they finally had to have him put away. I think he was 96 when he finally passed away. He was a whole bunch younger than that when he started to be a problem.

 

[RodinNS]

Seems like there may be some health issues going on like dementia...

Rod

 

[Crazy Horse]

If he's 83, we can probably assume that you're around 60 or so. I think a family member like yourself should be able to contact his doctor or health care provider and have a little chat about the situation. That would be my suggestion as to where to start. This is a troubling situation for sure and not a single person on the YT forum would change places with you. Perhaps some that have had similar experiences that eventually worked out could pass along some suggestions. One good story from someone has already showed up. Good luck with everything.

 

[Steve@Advance]

Only knowing what is revealed here, I see you have 3 choices.

1. Live with it, put up with it and let it play out. If his behavior is spilling over into the community, someone will press charges.

2. Take legal action. If he really is damaging your property, trespassing in spite of being told not to come around, entering your home without permission, then tell him you are going to report it, and follow through. It won't be easy, and will likely set him off even more, but it will start a paper trail.

Without some evidence that he is mentally unstable, he can not be taken in for evaluation against his will.

3. Move. This may sound extreme, but your family and your own quality of life are important, especially if you think this could get violent.

Is there anyone outside of the family you can share this with? A trusted friend, pastor, a listening ear that might have some constructive suggestions for a solution?

 

[used red MN]

Does your father have any siblings or is there an old friend, neighbor or maybe a pastor similar to his age that you might help you try convince him that he needs to get a medical check? Sometimes parents just don?t accept being told something by their children because the parent feels they are the authority figure and this can be augmented by mental health issues. Living so close to a parent can also elevate your father?s feel of authority over you. Since you say a ...field... is between you can I assume that you maybe have or had some farming activity between you? If so your dad was likely the ..boss.. in this case, so that also reinforces his reasons not to listen to you. You also need to do your best to get your brother behind you on this and have him help you in convincing your dad he needs help. Hopefully it doesn?t get to the point that requires bringing in the law but it may be your only choice. That said it may be wise if you bring in someone as I suggested above that you alert the sheriff what is going on. They might even dispatch a officer near by in case things get out of hand.

 

[Billy NY]

You are not the only one, and this has to be one of the most difficult things people will face in this life, dealing with aging parents.

I'm currently in the middle of a similar situation, and am the only sibling. Not having any experience or know how in regards to elderly people with health issues and being put in a situation you cannot walk away from, + the full time job with all the insanity associated, I've reached my breaking point. Add in the protection of assets with all its complications, it really makes you wonder why we use banks and how easy it is to have it all seized, and that's all of what a person worked for and saved. I'd like to say more about how I feel about this but I don't care to have some government official or likewise knocking on my door.

Not sure what to tell you, as in my situation, I had to let the impending train wreck happen. State police intercepted her and she was less than 24 hours away from being dead. They saved her life by making a good field call to have her brought to the E.R.

10 days in the hospital, and over 100 days in Nursing/Rehabilitation and has reached the plateau of rehabilitation, which means it's private pay. She is ok on pension and S.S., but can't stay where she is, and refuses to go to a place just up the road and 7 minutes from my house, that is within her income. I've already signed the lease and am now in the middle of this fiasco with very serious costs. You just cannot win when it comes to these situations.

 

[Phil in Pa]

When you've had enough, and it's time for the tough decisions to be made, you'll no longer care about dads or anyone else's opinion of it. You'll just calmly explain what has to happen and put the process in motion. It's tough but do-able. I've had a couple.

 

[300jk]

Since being retired(about 8 years ago) my dad started to forget what it was like having to go to work and do farm things daily. Everyday is a Saturday for him now. This brought on a lot of why didn't you do this or why didn't you have time for that. We have had and do still have the occasional argument on how to run our small family farm. But that's it. No checking up or snooping, and he is socially normal. I would never wish your situation on anyone. My father in law has dementia pretty bad. I was one of the first to notice. He kept asking me the same questions about work, home projects ect. Everyone said it was because he didn't know what to talk about with me. I knew something was going on. Well 2 years later he can't remember what I do for a living, if my parents are still alive, if I have any siblings and the list goes on and on. Super nice old man. Just can't remember anything. When they come over for dinner now he asks me the same 5 or 6 questions over and over for 3 or 4 hours. At first I got frustrated, but now I just answer him every time he asks. He does know he can't remember, and it's frustrating to him. Sounds like your dad has some type of medical issue that is making him this way. I would do everything in your power to get him some help. Not sure how to go about it but there has to be a way.

 

[Stephen Newell]

Has he always been like that? Perhaps he has developed an illness such as Tourette's Syndrome.

 

[jwmfarms]

In VA, you used to be able to go to law enforcement and explain the situation. They would then go to the judge and get a court order for a psychiatric hold and evaluation. We went through this several times with my uncle, who was a manic depressive. The police would then send as many officers as they thought they would need to get the job done. They referred to this as serving a "green warrant" over the radio, so the busybodies with scanners wouldn't know everybody's business. Somehow, though, they always did!

 

[WalJohn]

From agingcare.com -0

Since elders’ bodies respond differently to infection, it is important to look for different signs and symptoms. One tell-tale symptom of UTIs in the elderly is often mistaken for the early stages of dementia or Alzheimer's disease, according to National Institutes of Health (NIH). Indicators of infection in seniors include the following:

Confusion or delirium
Agitation
Hallucinations
Other unusual behavioral changes
Poor motor skills or loss of coordination
Dizziness
Falling
These are often the only symptoms that present in the elderly, so it is crucial to keep an eye out for these sudden changes in behavior and mental state.

 

[SDE]

My personal believe is that as we get older, our world shrinks around us. As it gets smaller, we become more controlling. Your Father is trying to control everything, because he has nothing left it excite him, give him joy or satisfaction.
He needs something. But who will know what that will be?

 

[David G]

I would assume he has either some form of dementia or a stroke that has affected his mental ability.

Reasoning will have no effect, there is no easy way through this.

 

[Dave BN]

Many elderly folks I know are doing very strange things. We are living longer, I think that may be part of it but being on so many medications is my suspicion.

Dave

 

[M-MAN]

While your Dad might have medical issues with no good solutions you have no excuse for using those terms to describe him. I would get banned for what I would like to say but suffice it to say you should be ashamed.

 

[Clarence Slydell]

(quoted from post at 19:10:16 10/13/18) While your Dad might have medical issues with no good solutions you have no excuse for using those terms to describe him. I would get banned for what I would like to say but suffice it to say you should be ashamed.

Well said.

 

[preacher man]

We had to deal with this about a year ago with my Dad. He was not a happy camper, but we loaded him up and put him in a Memory Care Facility. It took him about 2 months before he accepted it, but he adapted and has been much better since. This is a small facility that is privately owned, is a end of life facility, and no more expensive than a full blown nursing home. At this time, he is still doing as well as can be expected, but had we waited any longer, I can't imagine what might have taken place. My biggest fear was that he would start driving and get confused, and we would never find him again. It wasn't a pleasant time, but certainly the very best solution to our problem.

 

[730virgil]

an old family friend was found to have brain cancer.
his wife said he always quick tempered. but when his temper got worst they something was wrong.
I hope you can get some help for your dad and you.

 

[Hobo,NC]

Sounds like my mom.... She's 91 lives with me she is not going to live forever so deal with her... We are all mamas baby and daddy's maybe so mom is a little easier to deal with the problem...

She's a bleeding heart lib loves 44 hates 45 when I say hates a killing hate her TV is glued to CNN...

She has a pill for everything the only way I can keep her com is with lorazepam but it comes with side affects. I have got her off of it now the side effects were just as bad...

The number one thing I would do is look into the meds he is taking talk to his doc and pharmacist count his pills and make sure he is no taking them wrong... BTDT

Never beach about a problem if you can do something to help it has always been my thought... If you can not help it get away from it...

 

[MarkB_MI]

Sounds like dementia, and you will probably have a tough row to hoe. He's not going to get better, and there really isn't a lot of support available for families of elderly folks with dementia.

I suggest:

1. Take your dad to a neurologist for an evaluation to determine if he is really suffering from dementia or is just an ordinary crotchety old phart.
2. Contact an attorney who specializes in "elder law" to find out what you should do to prepare for his likely future deterioration.
3. Find a local Alzheimer support group; they can help you get support for dealing with your father's problems.

 

[ss55]

Is this a recent change or has he been like that all his life?

 

[kyhayman]

I've been down this road with my mom. Vascular dementia in her case. I moved in after dad died (suddenly, thankfully). I got a power of attorney and medical incompetency so I could 'just make decisions'. It sucked. But it was the only way. If he's breaking in you've got legal standing, the next step may be breaking into someone elses house and he or they could get hurt. None of this is cheap or easy but its something we sometimes have to face. Mom lived 7 years, the last two were the worst (for me and for her) She always said she wanted to live out her life in her own home, with her cats, and her quilts. By the grace of God I was able to see that happened for her.