Iowa According to Jeff Foxworthy
If you're proud that your region makes the national news at least 96 times each year because it's the hottest or the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Spirit Lake, Iowa.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might farm in Carroll, Iowa.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Des Moines, Iowa.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Russell, Iowa.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Leon, Iowa.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Iowan WHEN 'Vacation' means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend...
If you measure distance in hours, you might live in Iowa.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you might live in Sac City, Iowa.
If you often switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you might live in Winterset, Iowa.
If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching, you might live Davis City, Iowa.
If you see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings), you might live in Garden Grove, Iowa.
If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, you might live in Grand River, Iowa.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them, you might live in Osceola, Iowa.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you might live in Northern Iowa.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you might live in Martensdale, Iowa.
If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Weldon, Iowa.
If you were unaware that there is a legal drinking age, you might live in Iowa City, Iowa.
If Going Down South means Missouri, you might live in Van Meter, Iowa.
If your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed, you might live in Lamoni, Iowa.
If your idea of going out to eat is a tail gate party every Saturday, you definitely live in Iowa.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car; you might live in Waterloo, Iowa.
If you find 0 degrees to be 'a little chilly', you might live in Audubon, Iowa.
If you actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Iowa friends -- you DO live in Iowa.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news at least 96 times each year because it's the hottest or the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Spirit Lake, Iowa.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might farm in Carroll, Iowa.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Des Moines, Iowa.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Russell, Iowa.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Leon, Iowa.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Iowan WHEN 'Vacation' means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend...
If you measure distance in hours, you might live in Iowa.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you might live in Sac City, Iowa.
If you often switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you might live in Winterset, Iowa.
If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching, you might live Davis City, Iowa.
If you see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings), you might live in Garden Grove, Iowa.
If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, you might live in Grand River, Iowa.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them, you might live in Osceola, Iowa.
If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you might live in Northern Iowa.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you might live in Martensdale, Iowa.
If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Weldon, Iowa.
If you were unaware that there is a legal drinking age, you might live in Iowa City, Iowa.
If Going Down South means Missouri, you might live in Van Meter, Iowa.
If your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed, you might live in Lamoni, Iowa.
If your idea of going out to eat is a tail gate party every Saturday, you definitely live in Iowa.
If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car; you might live in Waterloo, Iowa.
If you find 0 degrees to be 'a little chilly', you might live in Audubon, Iowa.
If you actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Iowa friends -- you DO live in Iowa.
