Good Monday humor

[JT]

Got this sent to me, thought it was funny:


Mean Old Woman
An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.

The old man liked the fact he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68.

His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight home and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down."

 

[Larry59]

LOL LOL Long ways to China lol

 

[balatonm]

Wonder if she buried him with a shovel. ha ha ha ha ha.

 

[Mike (WA)]

Which brings to mind a similar story, but in which the woman was at fault. In fact, she found fault with virtually everything her husband did, and took special pains to tell him about all of her "issues" with him, usually at considerable length. To the extent that he used every excuse he could come up with to spend time working his fields with his two mules. He was generally acknowledged to have the best kept fields in the township.

She came out one day to complain about his frequent absences from the matrimonial home and hearth, but suddenly, one of the mules lashed out with both hind feet, and the unfortunate woman was deceased before she hit the ground.

A very nice funeral was put on by the local church, during which the pastor noticed an unusual trend- whenever the widower spoke to a woman of the church, he nodded his head in the affirmative, but whenever he talked to one of the men, he smiled and shook his head "no".

Some time later, the pastor had occasion to speak to the widower, and asked him about the unusual conversations at the funeral. The old gent said, "Oh, the women were all commenting on how nice the service was, how they would all miss her, you know, the regular funeral stuff, and I was just agreeing with them. The men, on the other hand, were all just wanting to borrow my mules."

 

[Vito]

That's a funny story.
Vito

 

[Anonymous-0]

Back in his day Mark Twain was THE stand-up comic of his era. I believe this joke stems from one of his essays which concluded that you have to bury Chicago nnalert upside down, otherwise they'll dig their way up to vote again! Also reminds me of the more contemporary joke about the 2 army privates who were set to the task of buryin' a dead mule. They got to talkin' and one said "You know according the scriptures, a mule was called an a**." A little while later an old lady was walking by the scene, and asked the question "Are you fellers diggin' a foxhole? The second soldier responded with "Not according to the Scriptures!"

 

[TVB]

On my grandfathers 50th wedding annaversary he retorted to the waitress after she commented on her amazement at their long marriage" It's only felt like 5 minutes--------under water"