I'm not trying to look for any bragging rights here.My wife and I have been married for 10 years.I work on our dairy farm and frankly I have little family time and it is starting to get to be a real problem with my wife.The farm can't afford more hired help than we already have,but I don't want to end up loosing my wife either.I currently work 13 hours a day 6 days a week and 6 hours on Sunday.That's on average 84 hours a frigging week and I'm missing my family grow up.No time to watch my son play soccer in the summer,can't see my 2yr old daughter till it's time for her to go to bed.Too tired to take my wife out for dinner.Do most of the rest of you work these hours or more too and I'm just wining,or do I have a dilemma on my hands???
Steven f/AZ
Well-known Member
I have heard of many people missing their lives due to dairy cows... have some friends that went through it. The kids won't even talk to the parents because all they ever did was stay home and milk cows...
My wife and I decided to live a less glamorous life as teachers since we planned on having a family. The only time that will be difficult is the first five years until the little one goes to school... after that our schedules will match up just fine (other than the kid will probably get tired of going to school early and staying late every day!). I believe spending time with my family will be much better than making tons of money working 60 to 80 hours + per week. Those 80 hour weeks were fine when I was single, but not anymore... just the few weeks in the summer stresses my wife as I help Dad quite a bit.
Personally, I think you need to look at what you are doing and what you want out of the next year, five years, ten years... and decide if the dairy farm is what is going to make you happy. I don't know how profitable the dairy business is these days, but I do know you can run a pretty big herd of beef cattle that are much lower maintenance/less labor intensive.
Good luck in whatever you decide and God Bless!
My wife and I decided to live a less glamorous life as teachers since we planned on having a family. The only time that will be difficult is the first five years until the little one goes to school... after that our schedules will match up just fine (other than the kid will probably get tired of going to school early and staying late every day!). I believe spending time with my family will be much better than making tons of money working 60 to 80 hours + per week. Those 80 hour weeks were fine when I was single, but not anymore... just the few weeks in the summer stresses my wife as I help Dad quite a bit.
Personally, I think you need to look at what you are doing and what you want out of the next year, five years, ten years... and decide if the dairy farm is what is going to make you happy. I don't know how profitable the dairy business is these days, but I do know you can run a pretty big herd of beef cattle that are much lower maintenance/less labor intensive.
Good luck in whatever you decide and God Bless!
Thanks Steve,Dairy isn't too bad these days and beef is totally in the toilet here the last few years and into the next few by the looks of things.I love farming,but of course I love my family more,It's almost as if I have to pick.My family has been making our living on this place for over 100 years.It is quite viable,but we just can't afford any more extra help to cut back my hours.We just added more cows this fall to support the help we have now as my dad isn't well enough to help in the barn now.More cows yet won't do it because it is far too expensive to expand here right now with the structure of our dairy system.
rrlund
Well-known Member
Lived that way for 33 years. Missed a LOT of things while the kids were growing up. Things I'll never get back. On the other hand,when they were big enough to help in the barn,I spent more time with them than any father ever did with their teenage kids. Luckily the wife got over it,learned to do things with the kids without me. We made it. I sold those black and white pains in the neck four years ago and went to a good sized cow/calf herd. Use the silo and feedlot to finish their calves. I've got all the time in the world to spend with the grandkids now,doing the things I missed with my own kids. Financially,I'm as well off as I was milking,but..the dairy cattle paid for a LOT of stuff,so I'm able to do this now without the debt load that I had while raising a family. Don't know if the beef cattle would have given me the cash flow to be where I am today or not. I really don't have any advice to give you. Just hope your wife will stick it out until you can afford to get rid of the cows. Mine says she WILL leave me if I ever milk another cow.
Gary from Muleshoe
Well-known Member
I worked on a dairy until I joined the USAF 28 years ago. It was pretty much the same as you described, only 2 Sundays off a month and I week vacation a year. It was the same problem for me so when my first son was born I joined the USAF, best thing I ever did, we did split the sheets after 14 yrs of marriage but it wasn't because of work. She was like an old dairy cow and thought the pasture was greener on the other side of fence. Oh well her loss I make a good living (retired from USAF to boot)and she is living in poverty. Well went dry I guess.
Allan in NE
Well-known Member
Like RRLund says,
Don't know what to tell you.
However, I can tell you this. That work ethic is gonna stay with you the rest of your life, no matter what you do. 40 hours a week will just absolutely bore you to tears.
And again, like rrlund says, hope she sticks it out and gets in harness with ya.
Wouldn't ever want to be in your shoes having to make that choice, 'cause it darned sure wouldn't take me long to do it.
Sorry for your troubles; hope all turns out well. :>(
Allan
Don't know what to tell you.
However, I can tell you this. That work ethic is gonna stay with you the rest of your life, no matter what you do. 40 hours a week will just absolutely bore you to tears.
And again, like rrlund says, hope she sticks it out and gets in harness with ya.
Wouldn't ever want to be in your shoes having to make that choice, 'cause it darned sure wouldn't take me long to do it.
Sorry for your troubles; hope all turns out well. :>(
Allan
Clint Youse MO
Member
The long hours are going to go with farming I own a hog farm went out of the house at 5:00 this morning and came in about 7:00 tonight wife was home and hadf a pizza waiting we ate and talked then went to seee the neighbors new baby and are home now I worke till the work is done no set hours tommorrow the wife wants to go look at new vehicles so I will start early try to get everything done and make it in the house mid morning then go with hre and come home and do chores and the rest of work just have to set the priorties around here it is god family and farm The farm pays the bills so therefore it is important I choose to start ealier and earlier while the wife sleeps to spend time wiht her in the evenings nobody misses me in the morning.
Steven f/AZ
Well-known Member
I haven't kept up on market prices since I left the farm... I know it seems like Dad either does well with the grain (about 2000 acres planted) or the cattle (about 125 head) - never both. One hose filling the pot, another hose draining it... I remember it being a lot of work helping out on the farm, but the values it has instilled in me are invaluable for my life.
I wanted nothing more than to take over the farm when I was in high school and (forced) to go to college - spent many sleepless nights wanting and wishing I could take it over. There just wasn't enough there to support more than one family. Now that fuel prices and other costs have gone up so much I'm happy where I am.
Someday I hope to move back and retire there, spending my time farming.
Anyway, again, good luck with whatever you decide.
I wanted nothing more than to take over the farm when I was in high school and (forced) to go to college - spent many sleepless nights wanting and wishing I could take it over. There just wasn't enough there to support more than one family. Now that fuel prices and other costs have gone up so much I'm happy where I am.
Someday I hope to move back and retire there, spending my time farming.
Anyway, again, good luck with whatever you decide.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
Try to get your wife to bring the kids to the barn for a little while every day. Get them interested in helping you some. That will help you work less hours and spend more hours away from the cows. I guess I've always enjoyed working, some weeks as many as 110 hours, not including some driving time. It's going to be tough if the wife and kids aren't interested in your work. Hope you make the right choice.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
No, I wouldn't consistantly work those hours and when I was younger, got a small glimpse of the hours milking would devour. I love farming but no way would milk so that I could continue farming. Both the farmer and his wife need to love cows to survive long term milking. Although livestock operations requires a lot of time, most still offer periods which are less intense and one can recharge his batteries. Not so likely to happen if milking. However after always being around livestock during my youth, I opted for grain farming. Although it may have the most intense, brief working periods it has by far the longest "low work effort" intervals.
Before the week is over I'll put in 88 hours.Around 60 hours is good for me, it allow family time. Less than that and I start going bonkers, which makes the wife go bonkers.
People think that the American middle class makes to much money...coming from people who only work 30 hours a week...lol!
People think that the American middle class makes to much money...coming from people who only work 30 hours a week...lol!
Bill in Colo
Well-known Member
- Location
- Rio Blanco County, Co
You might try a all in all out system. I have some family friends who moved their dairy operation from Michigan to Georgia. They calve after labor day and dry the cows up the 1st of July and take a vacation.
When I was teaching school that was about typical for me. I'd leave the house at 630, get to the farm about 5, and home about 30 min after dark. Weekends and holidays were running wide open on the farm as hard as I could. Its not worth missing out on what you enjoy, so Im farming now. I missed out on a lot with my kid, but I would have probably missed it anyway. It was an excuse to be away from her. So, Im single again.
About your dilema.... If you like the cows and like milking then there has to be a way to make it work. If you dont, then by all means change. I dont know what your milking times are but one of my friends milks at 7 and 7 to allow him to have the evening after 9 with the family. Another milks at 9 and 9 for the same reason. Yet another hires a guy to milk nights 5 days a week. Pays him $125 a week, cash.
This is just and obeservation worth what it costs you but reading between the lines in you post Im hearing bigger problems than cows. What they are I dont know.
About your dilema.... If you like the cows and like milking then there has to be a way to make it work. If you dont, then by all means change. I dont know what your milking times are but one of my friends milks at 7 and 7 to allow him to have the evening after 9 with the family. Another milks at 9 and 9 for the same reason. Yet another hires a guy to milk nights 5 days a week. Pays him $125 a week, cash.
This is just and obeservation worth what it costs you but reading between the lines in you post Im hearing bigger problems than cows. What they are I dont know.
you have a dilema. family dairy she doesn't like the hours I can sure tell you a divorce can also take the dairy. you need to get helper period in my eyes. Say can't afford it ,can you afford losing your kids. Several others on here sound like they have been divorced more than once that should tell you something. Enjoy life your kids are only small once PERIOD. Me still married same one for over 31 years.
Dave from MN
Well-known Member
Have you had the farm reviewed for small inexpensive updates that would reduce labor time or possibly take certain "chore" right out of the list. There is alot of cheap automation out there these days when it come to getting feed fed and such. I know I could cut the daily chore time in half at my freinds place if he would just let me show him and he would make the small investment. Family time matters, but from my own youth, work time on a dairy needs to be family time. Make time for fun stuff but the family time working together will make you a strong family and younger ones will learn work ethic, but you and your wife have to be passionate about doing it together?
I've been dairy farming for almost 8 years now. I milk 50 cows with my wife and I have an off farm job as well. On most days I can work from 4am till 9pm or later when it's time to do field work. This year my wife got sick and can no longer be active working on the farm with me, so now I'm even more busy. We also have a 5 year old daughter. I have through much luck and some well thought out ideas been able to spend time with my family. We try to eat one meal a day together and do one activity a week together, we also go on a weeks vacation every year now. Some things I've done on the farm to make more family time. I don't now how large your farm is(It seems like the larger farmers work harder then I do). So stay small, use rotational grazing for all the animals(eliminates all kinds of labor in feeding and barn cleaning and animal health) spend money on mechanization. I've cut hours off of my day by using things like mixers carts, upright silos, automatic barn cleaners.(these seem more efficient then bunker silos and skid steers because you can multi task) I don't do this, but another idea that works is use custom operators for crops.
NTW ROSEBUD
Member
philip this is a heavy decision as you said. when you said I DO, that gave your wife certain rights to your life, as it gave you rights to hers. put yourself in her place, would you be happy if she was elsewhere that much of the time. dairy farming is theultimate commitment. I have much respect for a dairy farmer, those cows will be here forever. your babies will not. if you miss your kids life it will haunt you in your old age..... BTDT YOUR WIFE AND BABIES ARE YOUR TOP PRIORITY. DON'T TRADE THEM FOR A BUNCH OF COWS.
I put myself in the shoes of your kids and think back to the days when I was growing up on our Wis dairy farm. I never went to one friday night dance. Never played any intercollegiate sports. Never hung out with the kids in town. That sounds pretty boring but I wouldn't trade the experience of growing up that way for anything. I learned more from my Dad and the neighboring farmers than I ever could have anywhere else. When it came to dairy herd management, my dad had all of the cows freshen in Sep/Oct. Milked them for 10 months and that gave us the month of August to do some recreational things as a family. That usually meant driving to Milwaukee or someplace in the non-air conditioned family car to visit those relatives who had 40 hour a week jobs. I was always glad to get back home. Still am.
Can't do that here..... The system is designed such that you try to hit 100% of your quota, or as close as you can to that 365 days a year. There is a production sleeve that allows management flexibility, but all, in all out is outright impossible. There would be too much financial impact to even consider it...
Rod
Rod
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
On your dying day are you going to say "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time working," or "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time with my family."
OK -- Here's a glimpse of the other side that might help you see it from her side. My wife works round the clock 365/year shiftwork and I do regular Monday to Friday and after fours years of it I'm about ready to burst.
Countless weekends and meals and bedtime stories just me and my young son without her around. Now, it's made me closer to my kid than most any father I can name in my circle of friends and acquaintances, but damn -- it's lonely. I feel like a single parent. We all get one weekend in about six togther and it's so unusual we trip over each other in the kitchen those mornings because we're not used to being in the same room together at the same time.
The pressure on our marriage is huge and I'm ratcheting up the pressure big time for her to find something else. Problem is it's a very niche industry without a lot of transferrable skills and she's good at her job. I also don't want to be some blow hard chauvinist telling my woman what she can and can't do. I'm also resentful because I get almost no down time. I'll plan an entire week in advance just to grab twenty minutes fiddling with the tractor. Man, even going to fill the car with gas by myself is an event to look forward to.
We're growing apart and the biggest hurt is when my boy asks "Where's Mommy?" and I have to tell him (again) she ain't coming home for dinner.
Anyway, I'm sure I've got you all crying sissy but really it's just a long winded way of confirming what some others have said about trying to eek every last ounce of efficiency out of your operation even if it requires spending some money, and review your life for areas where you can grab an hour or two here and there for some time together -- assuming she's important to you.
Countless weekends and meals and bedtime stories just me and my young son without her around. Now, it's made me closer to my kid than most any father I can name in my circle of friends and acquaintances, but damn -- it's lonely. I feel like a single parent. We all get one weekend in about six togther and it's so unusual we trip over each other in the kitchen those mornings because we're not used to being in the same room together at the same time.
The pressure on our marriage is huge and I'm ratcheting up the pressure big time for her to find something else. Problem is it's a very niche industry without a lot of transferrable skills and she's good at her job. I also don't want to be some blow hard chauvinist telling my woman what she can and can't do. I'm also resentful because I get almost no down time. I'll plan an entire week in advance just to grab twenty minutes fiddling with the tractor. Man, even going to fill the car with gas by myself is an event to look forward to.
We're growing apart and the biggest hurt is when my boy asks "Where's Mommy?" and I have to tell him (again) she ain't coming home for dinner.
Anyway, I'm sure I've got you all crying sissy but really it's just a long winded way of confirming what some others have said about trying to eek every last ounce of efficiency out of your operation even if it requires spending some money, and review your life for areas where you can grab an hour or two here and there for some time together -- assuming she's important to you.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
I know that this is a totally different situation, but it does deal with marriage and work. My wife and I have been married 14 months, and together 14 years. In the time we've been together, I've spent six years living in other countries. Since returning from my vacation to Korea for a year, we got married the day before I left to sign in at the base that I am currently at. Well it's better than it could be, even though we are living in different states it's only four and half hour drive. Relationships have a lot of obstacles to get through to make work. I'm sure that you will be able to figure out a plan that will make a balance of family and work. Hopefully when you do, you will send me an email so I can give it a try also.
Jim
Jim
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
Sell those friggin cows! Just sold ours last July and haven't missed them yet. They aren't makin as much money as they should or as you think.
Kent in NB
Member
Hi Duane. Going through the same thing, and I'm smaller than you. You have a very well respected specialist coming to the Island in January. He is doing some seminars on efficiency and barn designs, etc.. Talk to a Brenda Howard at Breadalbane(or close by). She is organizing the meetings. Man's name is Jack Rodenberg. You need to see him.Kent in NB.Merry Christmas
grass always looks greener...
Haven't milked cows in 5 yrs now and while I would not go back on the 24/7 routine I sure miss farm life. And I miss taking my boy w/ me for sunday morning chores. Can't beet him outa bed w/ a stick most mornings but go in there at 3 am and quietly ask "going to do chores w/ me bud?" and in blink of an eye he's up and pulling his clothes on.
my suggestion? find someone like myself who misses the cows and cut a deal. money isn't always the issue. A side of beef for the freezer, being able to borrow the bucket loader occasionaly, bale of hay once in a while for the bunny herd??? good luck!
mike who spends around 70 hrs of quality time a week making paper... and spends less time w/ his family tham before
Haven't milked cows in 5 yrs now and while I would not go back on the 24/7 routine I sure miss farm life. And I miss taking my boy w/ me for sunday morning chores. Can't beet him outa bed w/ a stick most mornings but go in there at 3 am and quietly ask "going to do chores w/ me bud?" and in blink of an eye he's up and pulling his clothes on.
my suggestion? find someone like myself who misses the cows and cut a deal. money isn't always the issue. A side of beef for the freezer, being able to borrow the bucket loader occasionaly, bale of hay once in a while for the bunny herd??? good luck!
mike who spends around 70 hrs of quality time a week making paper... and spends less time w/ his family tham before
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
Hey Jim,
BTDT... then retired! hang in there ol' pard... this too shall pass... then you'll get them monthly greeting cards from ol' unca shug! D
BTDT... then retired! hang in there ol' pard... this too shall pass... then you'll get them monthly greeting cards from ol' unca shug! D
My Dad spent 8 hours @ work 7 days a week for the most part,spentmany hours after work in the feild for one reason or another.The best years I had with my Dad were the last 2 or 3 of his life after he had a heart attack...he no longer worked and I got to spend the time he had left with him. Im not doing that to my kids, or my wife. My family is more important than money!
jd b puller
Well-known Member
Phillip. You can never have time back. We all work too many hours. Is it possible to rent the farm out (and all the work that goes with it? Not sure what your skillset is, but a "normal" 40 hour job plus the lessened farm income may be a compromise. This way you get to keep the farm AND the family.
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