O/T Dealing with my sister-in-law

[BigTone]

Could use some advice guys. My soon to be sister in law is one of the meanest women you could meet but you wouldnt know by meeting her. She enjoys talking behind peoples back which includes my wife and I, and my wifes mother, not to mention anyone else she comes in contact with. It is not the fact that she talks about me, or my wife, or my m.i.l, we are adults and we can handle it, my problem is that she gets mean, real mean. My wife and I have had a difficult time having a baby, it is a difficult subject for me to talk about because my only wish in life is to have a child of my own and just the other day we found out that she said some nasty comments about our attempts to have a child and it boiled down to "we should just stop trying to have a family, its not going to happen for us." Folks, I come from a line of men and women that could care less about money, community status, material objects, etc..., the only important thing in life is family; taking care of family, being there for family at the drop of a hat, i know you all understand.

I would love to tell her off but here is the problem, I am afraid that she will not allow me to see my 3 year old nefew for months on end if I do this, she is that kind of dirt bag and she has done it to my MIL many times over the last 3 years. If she was a man I could deal with this in a completly different way but shes not so obviously its not even an option. I can't allow her to to continue this but at the same time I fear losing time with my nefew, any advice would be wonderful and I am truly grateful for it. thanks for listening, ~Anthony

 

[Row Crop]

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

 

[MarkB_MI]

Speaking from experience, if your sister-in-law is as evil as you say, she's already indoctrinating your nephew. Best to just avoid dealing with her. Telling her off will just give her ammunition she'll use against you in the future.

 

[Hoofer B]

Big Tone, There is more than one way to have a family. We adopted six beautiful children internationally. They range in age from 10 to 3, and there is never a dull moment in our home. We are so blessed. Call me. Bill 920 973-6729

 

[Bret4207]

And you don't have to go internationally. We adopted two beautiful kids out of the foster care system right here in the good old USA. White, blond, and no hidden diseases, etc.

As far as you SIL, some people are not worth worrying over. She'll get hers in the end.

 

[PeteTheRookie]

no win siutation.
Sorry to hear about the hard time conceiving.
My SIL and her husband adopted 4 kids.
5 yrs later they welcomed a baby girl.
Suprised them both!
My email is open regarding a couple of "tricks" my wifes, GF"s Dr suggested.
Simple natural stuff that has worked for other couples i know.
Pete

 

[Billy Shafer]

Anthony. Stop trying to have a kid. Just let it happen. My wife and I tried for years. Doc told us relax and stop trying. The stress is what is stopping you from having a kid I now have a 35 year old money pit.Good kid.

As for the other. Let her talk. Those that matter will know how she is and ignore her.As for the kid it might be to late to save him. She has probably already convinced him. That anyone but her is evil.

If she gets real bad. You can always slap a gag order on her. I had to do it to my wifes aunt.

 

[TomH in PA]

Think of it this way: If you heard her saying something about someone else, how much weight would you give to her comments? You and everyone else knows who she is.

 

[Aaron SEIA]

You and everyone else knows who she is.(reply to post at 06:31:15 12/01/12)

And if everyone knows you and your true character, you have nothing to worry about. I'll also second the stop trying. My sister had the same problems as you and wound up with 2 kids. I'll also second the adoption. They don't have to share your DNA to share your love.
AaronSEIA

 

[John M]

SO, wheres your brother stand?

 

[James Babcock]

Right on, Billy, I know three couples who got pregnant within 6 months of adopting, now they have two kids each. As soon as the psychological pressure is removed, the body secretes different hormones. Stress changes the immune system and many more that we are just beginning to understand.

 

[Bryan inIowa]

We did foster care for few years and when they terminated rights on the two girls we had in care we decided to adopt them ,,well they had two other sisters in another foster family ,,bit the bullet and adopted all 4 ! Plenty of kids out there deserving of loving families and good homes .

 

[plow hand]

There is not a darn thing you can do but fake everything so you can keep a relationship with your nephew..Your brother or who ever is going to marry her has to grow a pair and straighten her out..Ask Dr. Laura what to do..ps. you are not alone.

 

[JayinNY]

I know how you feel, I posted a few weeks ago about my in laws, my fil has 5 children, he gave my wife's sister 30 acres of his land for her to put up a house, gave her money for the driveway, septic, ect. None of the other 4 got anything like that, my wife dosent care, but we know her half brother wasent happy about it. As I posted earlier I tried to get along with my fil, but he's the type that always seems to want to start trouble, arguing, or complaining about what I do, or equipment I use ect. He's the kind that will tell you John Deere tractors are blue, not that he has said that, but that's how stupid some of the things he says, or believes are. Anyway after being his right hand man for the last 10 years, this summer I walked away, there were times I'd go bale his hay for him, I'd be at the horse farm during a snow storm 3 miles from my house and my wife would call me and ask me to drive to his farm and feed his cows because he was out plowing with the town! Yet my brother in law lives right down the road, but my inlaws know my bil dosent like farming, so they won't ask him.., So my father in law more or less shot himself in the foot, because he can't relie on me anymore. I said hi to him and shook his hand at thanksgiving that was it. I would liked to have told him
Off this summer, but I kept quiet. I wouldn't say anything to your sil if you want to see your nephew, just ignore her remarks, maybe she is jealous of you and thats why she talks about you, or makes her stupid remarks, good luck, I hope it all works out for you!

 

[JD Seller]

You can't do anything about her attitude. Only she can and that will not happen. My one brother's wife is very much like that. I just have zero to do with her. She even raises heck if I talk to my brother on his cell phone. So I talk to him once each year at the Christmas get together. Not my loss it is his and her.

As for having children. I have been there. My wife and I had our first child just like it should have happened. We where even very young, 17 and eighteen. When we went to have the second child five years later then we had problems. One was me being in the service but we worked schedules so that should not have made any difference. Still no second child. We tried for the next 5-6 years still no children. I even was no longer in the service and still no luck. We finally decided that we where blessed with one child so that was all we would have. So we started to house foster children for the county. We had over 70 kids over the next fifteen years. Plus my wife started to have troubles with her period so the Doctor gave her low dose birth control pills to regulate her periods. Guss what??? She was pregnant in less than six months after that. Turn out that even the tests did not find she was too low on her hormones. So we proceeded to have four more kids of our own. She would take the low dose birth control pills and she would get pregnant.

I also know the stress trying to get pregnant can cause. The having to be home at a the right time to have fun with the wife soon took all the fun out of it. Then the crash and burn when she would have her next period. It made the whole house an emotional roller coaster. So when we decided to just quit trying and accidentally found her hormone problem we had kids.

So here is what I would do and you may already have done this. 1) Both of you get checked out by doctors that know this issue. Then get a second opinion on that. 2) The stress of trying and failing needs to be reduced or removed. I know this is very hard to do but it is what is needed. The stress could be the whole cause. Ideas of what to try. A) Have her start watching kids or start a day care business. Her being around other kids will helped her get a kid fix. Her attention will not be on her/your issue as much. If she already works then this could be just baby sitting around her work hours. B) If you two can handle it, then take in some foster kids. They really need good people to love them unconditionally. C) Adopt if you are comfortable with that and want the permanency of that. The foster kid thing can have low moments when they leave. You don't have that if you adopt.

So good luck to you. Put the comments that your SIL says in relation with all the other thing in your world. They will lose there importance then.

 

[Wile E]

I hate to say it but there are only 3 ways to deal with this woman.
1. do nothing. She may never change.

2. Kill her with kindness, and she might change.

3. Do a very mean act to her. Such as, a dozen dead rose delivered. Flatten her tires, sugar in the gas tank, tromp dog crap on her carpet when you go over, break her windows, throw a bowling ball through her roof. Some of these are downright childish, but some people need to be told to shut the "F" up in a non-direct way.

 

[JayinNY]

Yep, that's called "shock value" sometimes you have to punch someone right in there face to get there attention! And I don't mean physically punch them in the face!

 

[BigTone]

thank you guys for the kind words and advice. She crossed a line and I will never forgive her or respect her but I love that kid to death so ive decided to ignore her best I can and do my best to help my nephew grow up to be a loved and respected man. As far as the child situation, i appreciate the advice, our dr. is very optomistic that we have figured out the problem and that it can be corrected with some meds but like you said the stress of the whole situation is working against us right now so we have decided to go back to the old fashion fun way for a while. We are also not to the adoption part yet but thank you for your stories, you folks changed the lives of those children and im sure they will be grateful for years to come. Thank you for listening and offering your help, Anthony

 

[donjr]

I just let my SIL and sister rum their mouths, and treat them with the contempt they deserve. One is an edumacated idiot and the other is a mentally challenged moron. So, I let them speal their bile, and then don't pay much attention to them.

 

[Anonymous-0]

Lost touch with my Ex, so that is where she is.!

Seriously, go and give her a mouthful,she may see the light, may.otherwise ostracise her but not the Nephew.

Your friends, if true, will sort the wheat from the chaff.,

 

[farmerjohn]

I have a sister-in-law sort of like that. I have learned to let it all go in one ear and out the other. I never trust anything she says as true or reliable. I have caught her in a lie right in front of her face, but to that kind of personality it doesn't even phase them to embarrasment or repentance. She is family, married to my brother and living next door so I keep my mouth shut keeping in mind which is more imprortant, for me to be right or to be happy. Most importantly is the innocent nephew who needs the imfluence of someone who loves him and will guide him in the right direction, he will eventually know the difference between what his mother tells him about you and what HE sees about you, so try to keep communicatons open by not mudding the waters. My nephew is grown up now and moved 1000 miles away but when he comes to visit home always stops in to visit me.

 

[mark in boonville ny]

huh sounds a lot like my sister in law. shes just a BDB. She has made us the outcast of the family and gossips all day long about everybody else and talks about how special her spoiled kids are. shes always in town at 4 either at the bank post office or the gas station gossiping and everybody that she talks too has learned this to try to avoid her. all in all shes about the the biggest POS ive seen.

 

[Rick Kr]

BigTone,
We must have the same sister-in-law!!! Its my wifes sister.

My wife, my mother-in-law and the entire family even say she is a B@#$% due to all the things she says behind everybodies back.

When we first married, the wife and I tried the nice thing, didnt work. Just got worse. So as others below said, I came at her with both guns loaded. Nastier than her, meaner than her, told bigger lies about her. Called her out in front of other people when she was lying. I was down right vicious. Sometimes I actually felt a little bad afterwards.

This went on for at least five years. Finally something clicked and she became the nicest person, complete 180. So I laid off. She wants to be friendly. I told her no way ever. She spent 10 years trying to ruin our marriage and being mean to my kids for no reason. I told her I would be cordial and act grown-up in front of her, but nothing more. Seems to worked for the last 4 years.

I forgive, but I don"t forget.

So I guess if you have read this far, the nice thing didnt work, so I had to be down right nasty. I was a little surprised it worked since she is a really uneducated person.

Rick

 

[John A.]

Big Tone, Like many others before me,,, I believe you have met and had dealings with My SIL! Rotten to the core, Ill-nature d, Bad headed---If she were a horse the best thing would be to put a Colt .45 round in her head, then Tell God she just Died!.....I.M.O.
My advice to you!!
#1.. Keep her beyond arms length. Where she cant touch you or your family.
#2.. Develop Teflon, Alligator Skin,, Whatever she says rolls off. Doesn't stick, Can't get through to your heart.
#3.. Sticks and Stones can break my Bones BUT...
Her cruel words Will not hurt Me! For I will not let it.
#4.. Refuse to let here know she has gotten to You!!!!
#5.. Kill her with Kindness! Rise above, show the neighbors and friends and local business owners what you are made of, The type of person, Christian your Parents raised By not stooping to her level!,, Children are known by their actions and your actions have spoken Volumes about your Character!!
#6.. Most Important NEVER let her Be alone with your Children when you get them.
God Speed to You and Wife, On this endeavor in getting a child. Soon I pray.
Later,
John A

 

[doubleN]

Sounds like my daughter-in-law you are talking about.

 

[El Toro]

It's too bad you can't choose your relatives like you can your friends. My late brother was married 5 times and the fifth was the worse. She stopped by my mother's home and said she wanted that home willed to my brother when she passed on. My sister and nephew was living there taking care of mom as her health failed. My mom more a less told her to get lost. My brother had a stroke in 1997 and she kept him on life support for about 4 months at the local VA hospital. This was so she should collect his retirement. When they finally removed him off life support he refused to go back on it and died a few days later. Then she wanted my sister and me to help pay his funeral expenses and I told her to use that money she's been getting while he was on life support. She also died a few years later. My nephew owns that home now. It was bought when my mom and dad gave up farming when my brother and I were in the military. Hal

 

[Sparktrician]

Brother, I hear you on the family starting issues. We went through that ourselves. 2.5 years later, I will be a dad next May. There is hope, it was a long tough road and I feel your pain. Been there done that. Nothing anyone says will make it better either....unroll doc saysvyour gonna be a dad! Good luck, that is not something any good person should have to go through.

 

[JML755]

(quoted from post at 10:41:32 12/01/12) Right on, Billy, I know three couples who got pregnant within 6 months of adopting, now they have two kids each. As soon as the psychological pressure is removed, the body secretes different hormones. Stress changes the immune system and many more that we are just beginning to understand.

Same thing happened to us. We tried for 9 yrs with all kinds of treatment to get our first child. Another 6 yrs using all kinds of medical treatment and we had our 2nd one. Figured we were done, 6 months later, no treatments, she got pregnant on her own. All the stress of trying to get pregnant takes its toll on a woman's body.