How many of you would tell your kids....

[gwstang]

White milk came from white cows and black cows gave chocolate milk? I was just laughing about some of the things we would tell the kids when they were little (they were so much much more "fun" when they were little). I remember many years ago my oldest boy was about 6 and the youngest was maybe 4 1/2 and I had to have a disc removed from my back in Sept. Well Nov. came and I was doing the walking the Doc. said to do but had the age old urge to kill something for the table. I live in the woods on our 71 + acres and lots of farmland and woods around me, so no problem shooting deer. Problem was I couldn't get too far out as I might not get back, was still pretty feeble on my feet as the doc said I would be because there was so much nerve damage from a piece broken off inside that was literally severing the nerves. I was recovering but slowly before returning to work later on. I took the old trusty Remington 1100 and eased up the trail in front of the house that comes out on my largest field. Lo and behold several Bambi's scooted across toward me. I waited and shot a spike as he was young and not too heavy to handle (rest were does). I unloaded the gun and leaned it against a tree for one of the kids to pick up when I shuffled back. I took my belt off and put it around his neck to drag him a few steps at a time. I would have to stop and lean against a tree I was so weak. Few more steps...repeat. I was leaning one time and felt this jerk on the belt sort of like when fishing and laid back about snoozing and getting a bite and a catfish goes to tugging on the line. Bought that time I realized this little you know what was not completely dead! He was coming too quite rapidly, my gun was about 50 yards away and unavailable. My belt was around his neck and pulled tight so I unsheathed my old hunting/gutting/skinning knife and knealt on him and jabbed him in the heart a couple of times to finish him off, I was really give out then. I rested a bit and finally got him up to the house. I hoisted him up by the front window where the kids were staring out at me and the deer. The oldest boy was asking me what happened as it was sort of a bloody scene by then all over me and the critter. I said , " tsk tsk tsk, there ain't gonna be no Santey Clause this year". He was like, "What?" I said I just shot Rudolph! Man, they both went to crying and Lordy, she went to yelling and I could hardly move fast enough to get out of dodge down to the barn for awhile. Now they knew that wasn't Rudolph as it did not have much in the way of horns. I think they were just itching to get me in trouble of course. Finally blew over later and we had a good laugh, I reminded one of them about that this past Christmas when his passel came over for dinner.

Fess up what ever "big" stories you would tell the youngins that "had just enough twist" to maybe be true in their minds, but then they realized you were just funnin' them after all.

 

[Anonymous-0]

How aboot the "Biggest Lie" that parents tell their children. You know the one aboot santa klas and the story of xmas.
When children get older and start thinking fur theirselves they vonder vhat other lies they have been told by the ones that should know better.

 

[Fordfarmer]

We used to do that occasionaly, but we always said it was the
brown ones that gave chocolate milk...we had a few brown
swiss back then.

 

[Glenn Warner]

Hi Guys
This past Xmas my brother told his 5yr old step granddaughter(whom He and his wife have had placement custody since she was 8months old)That this year there is not going to be any Xmas because external_linkcare was broken.About two weeks before Xmas I was delivering some firewood and she wanted to ride along with me .
On our way back saw a car passing us with a xmas tree on top. Iasked her if she saw that , she asked me what it was. I knew she saw it , so I asked her again what it was she said a Xmas tree . I said looked like one to me About 20 seconds past ,she got all excited and yelled Yeah, external_linkcare got fixed there will be Xmas.we couldn't get home fast enough so she could tell Poppy.

 

[Greg1959]

My son was in 4th or 5th grade. One morning, I guess he did not want to go to school and did the ole "I think I'm sick" routine.

I told him to go to the bathroom and get the thermometer to take his temperature. It was the old mercury type that you had to shake down before using. Well, he came out with it already in his mouth which made me think something was up (faking).

As he got closer, I looked at him with a disgusting look on my face and said "You know you just put the rectal thermometer in your mouth. You did not use the oral thermometer."

He ran out of the room gagging and ended up brushing his teeth for about 5 minutes. When he came back he was dressed and ready to go to school.

 

[mab570diesel]

so you guys are telling me theres no such thing as santa clause geez after all these yrs. i feel pretty gullable i just got a present from him this year are you sure

 

[Greg1959]

At least, the is still the Easter Bunny!

 

[farmerjohn]

When I was young and Dad took us for walks down to the lower pasture there were dipped in areas where it was swampy and wet. He told me to stay clear of them as they were elephant traps. I was into my teens before I was brave enough to venture through alone as I believed there really were traps down there.

 

[mab570diesel]

lmao

 

[Tom OConnor]

What a great subject. I think I could right a whole column on it but
one in particular comes to mind. We had an old fashion big box
type television and the wife came home and the two girls (ages four
and seven at the time) were leaning on the TV. When questioned
what they were doing they said Dad said we had to stand by the
television to make it work again. In those days when the tv picture
went off the air the caption would come on the screen "PLEASE
STAND BY."

 

[Royse]

I was building a deck for my sister, had the holes dug, poles set and
leveled, cement in the bottom and was putting some water in the holes.
About that time her son came out and asked what I was doing.
I told him I was watering these poles hoping a deck would grow.
Lo and behold when he woke up the next day "It worked!"
He wasn't old enough to know there wasn't a Santa. LOL

 

[farmerwithmutt]

my niece came into the barn when i got done
feeding grain. some cows as usual were down
on there knees reaching for more feed .now
my parents her grandparents were very
religous so i asked bridget if she knew what
the cows were doing . what she asked what i
said they are saying there prayers before
eating no came the reply .i looked at her and
said would i lie she turned around and headed
for grandma!!
one more time i almost got in real trouble she
was in a bad mood and came into the barn
just as i got done giving a shot to a cow.i
asked her if she knew why i gave the cow a
shot why she asked i told her its because the
cows in a bad mood and shes going to get
one! she screamed no and vanished latter she
got shots before school it took three nurses to
hold her all the time she was screaming thats
what uncle larry uses i often wonder what the
nurses thought

 

[MI AC Parsons]

Not a lie. We had a foster girl stay with us, and
I got on our girls plus her to clean up their room
and added 'now shake a leg'. The new girl stood
there and started to shake her leg. Our daughters
still laugh about it. Ya gotta have humor.

 

[oldtanker]

I remember well my dad convincing little kids that whit milk came from white cow and chocolate came from brown cows and that you pumped their tails to get the milk. Then is you wanted ice cream you had to leave em out in the cold. He would also unstrap his artificial leg, take the show off his good foot then play like his back hurt and get a kid to "pull his other shoe off". Then he'd grab his leg and yell about the pulling his leg off. I pilled my fair share of stunts on my kids too. Had my oldest boy at 5 that I was a peace soldier. He was about 8 when he figured out I meant peace through superior fire power.

Rick

 

[Alan K]

LOL! Holy poo.....I used to stand by the tv when I was little and say "they said please stand by"...Im not the only one!

 

[Dick2]

We had a neighbor who used to hold kids spellbound when he told stories, especially the one about working for Paul Bunyon in the northwoods.

He said that when Paul wanted pancakes for breakfast, him and another fella had to put on roller skates and use push brooms to grease the frying pan!

Also told them that they had to go to St.Paul with several teams of oxen to get loads of split peas for cooking. When they were almost back to the lumber camp, the ice broke when they were crossing the lake and all of the split peas ended up at the bottom of the lake - so they just built a fire under the lake and had split pea soup all winter long!

Kids really ate up his stories.

 

[flembo]

How about this one we all probably heard, (This spanking will hurt me more than it hurts you).Course you don't here it anymore these days.

 

[RBnSC]

Told this to both of my kids.
At some point for what ever reason each in their own time came to me and said "I hate school why in the world did they invent it?" I consoled them "That's because you are normal. You're not suppose to like school." Back in the dark ages lots of houses had dungeons where there were folks that did nothing else but torture people and sometime kids when they needed it. One day they outlawed torturing people and all those folks were out of work and they had all this unused space so they invented schools. I got the same response from both even though they were years apart. "OH DAD".
Ron

 

[super99]

When we were little, Grandad raised some sheep. When we were there and he would come into the house and tell us that he had some newborn lambs, we just had to run to the barn to see them. We asked him where the lambs came from. He told us that the mama sheep laid an egg just like a chickens do. We asked where are the eggshells? He told us that they got crushed when the other sheep walked on them. Hey, we were little and believed EVERYTHING Grandad told us.

 

[BAnNC]

Don't remember all the tales I've told mine over
the years.
The one that stuck when he was really young was
that I invented "SNEAKY" so he'd better not try to
pull anything over on me.

I really believe he thought it was true for a year
or two.

 

[Pops1532]

Many years ago we were traveling from IL to IA. In an excited tone I asked my kids if they knew what was in Iowa? They said no, what? I said corn. So as we passed miles and miles of corn fields I told them all the things they used corn for in Iowa. Then I said, you know how they use salt on icy roads in Illinois? The kids said yes. I said, they have so much corn in Iowa that's what they use on icy roads. I had them believing it for awhile.

Then there was the time my youngest wanted to show me a trick he learned in school. His teacher had used a potato to light up a flashlight bulb. My son tried it but it didn't work. I told him he must have a dead potato which was just like a dead battery. I sent him out to my truck to get my potato (multi) meter. He came in with the meter and we checked a few potatoes. Got a decent reading on one and used it to light the flashlight bulb. I told my son to be sure to tell his teacher about using my potato meter to find a good potato to light the flashlight bulb. The next evening I asked him if he had told his teacher about using a potato meter to check the voltage of the potatoes? He replied"I don't want to talk about it dad".

 

[Anonymous-0]

Guy told his blonde daughter that 2 green M & M's would work for birth control pills.
After 4 grandkids,he told her he was only kidding !!
Cute little kids.

 

[Ron Muhlenkamp]

We bought our farm when my grandson Eric was five. one of
the first things we did was to lay a drain from the barn to the
creek using a Ditchwitch. When I stopped the Ditchwitch, Eric
asked "Grandpa, Why'd you stop"? I said "hit a damn rock"
he got all excited "Can I see the damn rock? How big is the
damn rock? What color is the damn rock?" His dad was
laughing, His mom (my daughter) was nonplussed, I was
puzzled. It took me a while to remember that, two years earlier,
when Eric was three, we had visited a state park where they
had dammed up a lake in CCC days and had faced the dam in
rocks. I had explained to Eric that there are all kinds of rocks in
the world. Those good for building dams are called dam rocks.
So to find a dam rock where you only expected to find field
rocks is an amazing discovery.

 

[rrlund]

Yep. When my 40 year old daughter was little,there was a fertilizer company here owned by a guy by the name of George Bird. You guessed it,Bird Fertilizer. I probably told her once that it was bird poop.
A few years ago when we were all together for some family function and she told her daughters about using bird poop for fertilizer when she was little. I just snickered and asked her if she still believed that? She got kinda mad about the whole thing. Said all her life she'd thought that's what it was.

 

[OH Boy]

When I was little I remember my great uncle and aunt would come to visit us a couple of times a year. Uncle Bub was a retired railroad man and Aunt Sis was the gentlest kindest old grandmotherly lady you ever met. Uncle Bub liked a good smoke and he rolled his own cigarettes. He always acted like Aunt Sis did not know he smoked. One time when I was about 12 he took me out into the garage and lit up a smoke and told me ' if your Mom comes out here this is mine, but if Aunt Sis catches us, it's yours!'.

 

[1970-1655]

I can remember when I was a little thing, sitting and listening to my great-grandfather tell about riding the pony express. And my mother telling that my great-grandmother (his wife) was Cherokee he had met while riding the pony express. As I got a little older, I started getting a little doubtful about the stories. Then in 1991, we went to Cody Wyoming to the Buffalo Bill Museum. As I was looking at the pay log book for the pony express, I actually found my great-grandfather's name. Now I am not sure if I want to doubt any of my mother's stories or not. But the ones about Rudolph and the Easter Bunny? I don't know. And for the tooth fairy, when mom had all her teeth pulled, she did not get any money for them, she had to pay a lot out of her pocket.

 

[Tony S.]

Someone told my wife earwigs would crawl in your ears when
you were asleep. She believed it for years. I didn"t tease my
kids much because of that.

 

[rrlund]

Brown Swiss give Swiss Chocolate don't they?

 

[Anonymous-0]

We're from the gummint and we're here to help !!!!!!

 

[MARK ROBKE]

I used to tell our daughter cats' eyes glowed in the dark because they took 2 D cell batteries.
Another funny thing I did was tell my now wife, when we were dating,"lets flip for it, heads I win, tails you lose". She fell for it; 6 months later I tried it again and got away with it. Next time after that she figured it out ! "I trusted you!" she scolded me, but she forgave me. Mark

 

[PJH]

Mark, you said she was your "now wife". Not meaning anything offensive, but there's a good chance she was wanting to lose the coin flip. Especially the second one. Six months is a very looong time.

 

[Fordfarmer]

And if you ship their milk to the cheese factory, you get Swiss cheese!

 

[rockyridgefarm]

My friend's dad told his kids that the "watch for fallen rocks" sign were for you to look for a little Indian girl named "Fallen Rocks" that got lost. They put up the sign where she had been spotted earlier.

When going places, his sister would get really quiet and stare out the windows to see if they could spot the little Indian girl...

 

[MARK ROBKE]

No chance at all : it was like over what movie to go see or something of that nature. She's actually pretty smart, but just very trusting of me. To this day when I bring it up (over 23 yrs ago) it gets a small chuckle from her. In fact, I still try it every few yrs,but she always catches on now. We dated 1&1/2 yrs before getting married, but it was love at 1st sight. I told her the other day I was running out of ways to tease her after all these yrs.
I just remembered another thing I used to with the kids. I would tell them I was going to pick them up by their ears. As I would grab their ears,they would grab my wrists and that's how I really picked them up, but they believed I had their ears. However my now 8 yr old grandson tried to slug me when I tried it on him, so I had to explain how I 'really did it' and that I would not pull his ears off ! Mark

 

[ShepFL]

When my boys were about 10 we had the discussion about birds and bees. The example used was our family dogs as the had seen the act and final results. The twist was I told them that they would get "stuck" like dogs and I would catch them in the act. Don't do it until your married yourselves.

Cat got out of bag several years later when youngest had a high school birthday party at the house. His gf at time wanted to give him a "present" and he relayed the fear of being "stuck" and Dad catching them. She laughed so hard and came downstairs telling all others. By Monday it was all over the school bus and high school.

He was so embarrassed at his naivety and mad at me for his embarrassment. Fortunately we can laugh about now but in HS he was nicknamed woof, some kids still refer to him that way now - Woof the Devil Dog as he is USMC in Afghanistan.